I Reject Your Reality And Substitute It With My Own!

Moving!

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:46:54 GMT

Hey there, just dropping by to tell that I've moved. I'm now on alex_damien and will be posting there. I'm on the process of adding everyone, but if I haven't added you in there, please add me and I'll do the same. XD
Hope to see everyone over there!
Kisses and hugs!

I hate my journal

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:23:33 GMT

I hate the dannath thing. I just made it up on a whim, doesn't means anything. Besides, my journal is filled with useless wangst
...
I think I'm going to make another one. But alexdamien.livejournal.com is already taken, and alexanderdamien is way too damn long. Argh, what do I do?
I think I'm going to go for alexanderdamien. No matter if it's too long.

Not Dead

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:04:17 GMT

Yet.
My works killing me, so...
But, ah, I haven't been around that much, ejem, at all. But I have a reason for that. It's a sucky reason, but nevertheless.
I got something of an internship at a political newspaper and have been working at it, mainly just stressing around. And the thing is that although I'm working at a decent pace for someone so new to journalism as me, I want to do more, but I don't have the means to do it T.T
Ah, if only I lived closer. I'm planning on getting a motorcycle, and think I might get it in a month or so, but as always it's not a sure thing. I'm supposed to be working at signing up at Jul nano. I wanted to win by 120,000 words, but I'm not sure. What with all the newspaper work and that I've been working at getting pro at art (by myself). I also am working on a blog thingy. It looks more like a publication with all the writing and work that's gone into it.
And I also need to finish an article for a contest and get everything set up for the deadline.
*Sigh*...my new modem was supposed to arrive this afternoon, but it looks like it might be tomorrow DX ah, I can't believe this.
I have so much work, and so little to actually work with. It drives me crazy.
Anyway, that's my life until now, more details, whenever my modem arrives XD

Jumbled thoughts.

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 00:38:38 GMT

I CAN'T ACCESS FACEBOOK!!

And my thoughts are too disjointed for a full lj entry, and too long for a tweet. Oh, life, how you mock me!

Anyway, here go a few things/thoughts

-- Oh, GOD it's so hot in here! I'm going to take over the country (shouldn't be too difficult with the political climate there is now) and institute a Pantsless Regime where nobody should wear pants. It's fresher, they'll thank me for it. --

-- "We start dying the moment we become silent about the things that matter." I love this quote, but never really had the strength to follow through. Or rather, the clarity to follow through it. Because I don't consider important the things that most other people do, so I don't mind not fighting for those things worthless to my eyes. But I've found recently a few things that I DO consider important. And it's time that I follow through.
The rule of thumb is that you DO NOT WANT a sagittarious being completely honest and completely vocal about things. Because he will be both in their purest forms. And believe me, truth often hurts, and I WON'T feel bad about hurting you.
But the important thing is that my words (which are nearly always very logical and open minded) hurt you, then we are not a good match. And I'm tired of saying nice things to people who would otherwise get hurt.
Lying is poison. And lies by omision is like drinking poison with your eyes closed.
So this is the end of my Nice Gal phase, alright?--

I think that's it. I think there was something else I was about to say, but it most likely wasn't important enough for an entry.
Most things in life are like that.

MEME

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:11:12 GMT

So, one of my writing heroes thorne_scratch posted a meme:

The problem with LiveJournal: We all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. So, I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious or maybe not, but you have no idea about. Ask away. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you!

I asked her a question, so here I am posting the meme. X3 So if you want to ask anything at all of me I will be happy to answer, like "what do you do if you don't study or work?" or "Why do you take pleasure in shooting holes in people's logic chains?" or "Why are you never online, really?" Ask away, and then go and post this so I can steal YOUR secrets Mwa, ha, ha!!

<3

I GOT KITTENS

Sat, 30 May 2009 23:01:48 GMT

A cat gave birth on my balconi!What am I going to do now?! I have no knowledge whatsoever about kittens although I do know that they shouldn't be touched because then the cats don't want them, but I had to get them inside! I tried to not hear them crying outside but one of the three died and I had to care for them. Now I don't know what to do with them T.T
I need a bottle, and ...and, oh, I don't know! I want to keep them, but I don't knnnooowww!!
Waaah, I dn't want them to die!!!

Fri, 29 May 2009 16:30:09 GMT

I am gaining weeeiigght! Can we get an Amen here!!? Yeah! Things are getting better! Finally! Much, much better.
Indeed, it is a good thing that I gain weight, because during a week some weeks ago I lost more than 10 kilos That's between 22 and 26 punds. (yay! I can convert measures now!) In One Week.
But you know anemia, it's all fun and games until you lose, er, 20% of your overall weight X3 It was the stress, the traumas and the mental crashes that made it during the April/May hell week. Whut, whut? I haven't posted it? Well, it was something very dark and very, uhm...bad, let's leave it at bad. I haven't told anyone, because it's a bit difficult for me to speak about myself. Especially since most people get the O.o look when I start telling them about my life and end up with the "Yeah, yeah, we know your life sucks alex, leave us alone" XP Or go O.o when I tell them about the things that happen when I'm stressed, like the voices X) lol, I think after 15 years of more stress like that I'll have developed full blown scizophrenia (did I write that right?)XD But I don't hear any voice anymore! (just happens during hard stress) and yay, things are getting better and I might get an internet this week! It's amazing!
And now I don't look like a corpse anymore lol, mom lost about 11-15 pounds because of the stress too, but it was most noticeable on me, everyone kept saying I looked sickly and dead-like XD
Edit- I CAN HAVE AN INTERNET! I'M OFF TO GET THE CONTRACT NOW! YEEESSSS!!
I AM SO HAPPY MY SUPER HAPPINESS CANNOT BE CONTAINEEEEDDD!!

Reinventing Myself

Fri, 22 May 2009 17:37:36 GMT

I’ve been having a problem with my writing. I need themes, and meanings, but all that I come up with seems trite, cliché, old and boring.

I don’t know why.

I have an idea of what I want.

But I don’t know how to get it.

There is something I’m doing wrong here, and I have to solve it. Now. And as fast as possible.

The other day, looking around my laptop for stuff I’d gotten from the internet (I haven’t got one, so I have to download everything to my laptop, remember?) about writing I found something by Holly Lisle. A few articles that suddenly looked different to me from the last time I’d read them. Because I thought I’d gotten them that first time, but as I’ve learned now, things look different when you change and I have changed enough to find that the advice there meant something different to me now.

The first was about Voice. I realized I didn’t knew what my voice was, how it looked like or what the point of it was.

The next ones were a few journal entries from the time when she was having publishing problems and had to, in her words “Reinvent Herself”

Those concepts hit home, and I decided that I would do it. I would find my writing Voice, my Themes and I would Reinvent Myself (capitals just to be dramatic, of course).

I’ve been working on a few exercises, answering a few questions and trying some completely new things (some of them with pretty painful results, like when I tried reading a bunch of poetry. God, the headache was Epic) and will probably be posting some of my results here, so the entries might get a little deep now.

I’m working on this on a notebook so there will probably be photos too. I like photos.

If anyone wants to do the journey with me, that would be nice, but I think anyway I look, this will be pretty lonely work.

Still, I never turn down something that can help me get to know myself better. Or something that can change my current view of the world. So, how did it go?

"Hell-afornia, here I come, right back where I started from..."

Yawn

Wed, 13 May 2009 19:56:59 GMT

Back.
Somewhat.
And late, but I've been busy. Very busy.

Mainly fighting with my room and the odd new forms of life that have sprouted from under the bed. I never clean my room XP

I put together all my art supplies in a cool tool box, now I just have to get the things I'm missing (acrilycs, watercolors, maybe even oil <3) and I'll be all set to become the tortured artist I can never be.

Anyway, I'll get some money this week and plan on getting back on contact with my friends, meaning: If I have ever drawn you something, I'll send you the original. By mail. Yes! You can have the horridly yellowing notebook piece of paper where I drew you that uber-cute stick figure!
Just send me your address at "alexanderdamien AT hotmail.com" and I'll mail it, uh...this weekend, yeah.

Love- Alex

P.S. Soon- A picture post of my uber-cool art supplies toolbox, and a tutorial-ish post about how I get my ideas. Kisses and hugs!!

-Edit- And if I haven't drawn you anything, then why haven't I??!! comment and request anything, it'll be inked, and colored with color pencils. Dun have anything else, I can do very bad pastels too, but...let's not blaspheme against the perfection of the universe by bringing something so horrible to life, alright? (lol, joking! I do pastels too, just very bad pastels. The universe doesn't really minds them...that much.
Anyway, I'll be mailing it all...between today and...the end of the month. Lol! Sorry, my life kinda blows up without warning sometimes, but I will send them this month!!!!

Hiatus

Sun, 03 May 2009 19:35:03 GMT

Sorry for not announcing this guys. I haven't had time with all the crap that's been going on a¡in the country.
We're in quarantine, so I won't be able to get online. The better part of the central country (my state, mexico city, san luis potosi, etc is closed off and in quarantine. restaurants, stores, etc. Everything I won't be able to respond or anything in a few days. At about may 11 or so. Sorry for not telling, but I honestly didn't thought that anyone would notice my absense so I didn't worry.
I'll be back as soon as this clears up, alright? Hugs!
(Sorry, dun have much time!!

INFLUENZA EPIDEMY WHAAAT??!!

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:47:32 GMT

ZOMG you guys! We have an epidemy, the government suspended all classes from preschool to college D8 and I have all symptoms! Well, except for fever. Here's hoping I DON'T get this thing, because it's deadly, and as usual here, there aren't enough vaccines (the health secretary said so) and very limited medicines (SHUT UP health secretary, one million IS NOT ENOUGH in a city of 20 millions inhabitants!)
And I had a really cool and positive entry to post here! DX ah, to hell with it, I'm posting here.
Cross your fingers so I don't get sick with this stuff and it's merely one of my stupid throat sickness thingies I get every year *whiinnee*

Here's the entry:

Jesus on a skateboard, you guys! Sorry about that last entry. I was having one of those nervous breakdowns I get sometimes. In fact, I get them ALL the time, but the hard ones never caught me near the internet, so I never write about them. (I also am very new to the net, so I hope you’ll forgive me)

I was just being stupid. And not even stupid in the cool crack!fun way, but just plain stupid.

I always say that nobody and nothing can hurt you if you don’t let them, and that you can take any hardship that comes by. And I was right, but as always, I kind of forgot to take my own advice and ended up screaming in the floor in despair. Bleagh, how stupid.

For the record, I am not saying that others are the same as me. Everything I say here is to be applied to people who like to think like me. I understand that others don’t like to take life by the beard and yank, even if you end up with bleeding hands. Some people just like to stay at home, take some time off to deal with their suffering, and some need attention and care and love, and pats on the back. And that’s fine, of course, but I don’t like that. Of course I love to know that there are people out there that care for me, but pats on the back and sweet words would have only made me feel worse.

Still, my heart is frozen, not made of stone. And ice breaks, spectacularly so, in fact. I’ve had to pick up the pieces and duct tape it back together more times than I can remember now.

So here’s a little reminder for myself. And anybody who wants to or does think like me, of course. Feel free to snatch XP

You are safe.

Right now, on this moment, here, and for the next 5 minutes, you are safe. The present moment is the safest place you can be, so keep a hold of your mind and don’t let it lead you to places that don’t exists. The past is already gone, and the future can’t catch you. So stay here.

The world can’t hurt you.

It is simply impossible for anyone or anything to hurt you as much as you hurt yourself. Refuse to be hurt, and you won’t be. The world can wound you, and people can beat you, but no one can hurt you. No one, and nothing, can hurt the person you are.

Do not hurt yourself.

You, on the other hand, can destroy yourself. Make sure you don’t, in a moment of stupidity, destroy the core of your being.

It takes a lot to hurt you.

Although, no matter the pain, the things that will destroy you, the things and actions which will hurt you beyond repair, are not easily commited. Be quiet and listen, the voice you hear will tell you the road to take.

Your word is law.

No matter your situation, no matter, your circumstances or the power others seem to have over you. Your word is law. You take decisions over what happens in your life and what you do with yourself. Make sure you don’t use your word to give the law to others. Anytime you want to, you can decide to do whatever you want to.

You are not a weak victim.

If you can get up and interact with the world in any way, you are strong enough. There is no need for any more strength than the one you already have. Build on it, use it to get more, but in no moment are you helpless.

Fantasies are useless.

Do not spend your lifetime in bed, dreaming of something that makes you happy, you will be crushed when the time comes to get up and face the world. Take your dream and nail it to the ground so you can reach it. Burn it so it guides you in the darkness. Use it, and fight for it. Be burnt by the passion of reaching it, and in that fire, your being will be purified by the battle for ideals. Everything is possible, ideals are meant to be pursued, but fantasies are mere illusions.

There is meaning and reason to your pain. Life has meaning and purpose. This which you are experiencing, look at it for what it is, and search for its meaning, and the reason why such pain has fallen into you. Are you experiencing it to learn from it? To become stronger? To become wiser? To serve as example and guiding light for those who come after you? Search for the meaning to your pain and suffering, in it you will find the reason and means to fight it.

Ok, so...

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:36:00 GMT

I was going to whine about how much I hated that I was going to have to take the Job-I-didn't-want, when I realized.

No.

I'm NOT going to do this.
I really am not.

It would solve all my problems, but it is a line I won't cross.
This is not the person I want to be. I know. Really know, that if I get on this, whether it turns out good or bad, it will, in the end, be bad for myself. In every thing I can think about, it will be bad. Even if I can get the money, even if I can deal with it (I can) it will, in the end, one way or another, destroy me.

I feel so bad.
...
I'm going to be on my grandma's house tomorrow, hopefully will have all-the-time internet there. Someone has some time to talk with me? I need to talk to someone for a moment.

I spend entirely too much time on Twitter.

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:35:27 GMT

And now I have found TWITPIC!!
Lol, I made a gif of me being crazy, here
And a photo of the 8D face, lol, I think I was high on something.
And today I got Bender's response to one of my Twitter posts and went ballistic, because I go into horror shock whenever someone mentions Twilight. Just because it was so baaadd!!

This weeken I have an 'interview' for that job I don't want to take, bleagh. I'll have to go to mexico city. Mwee, dun wanna travel in the heeaat!

Also, points to anyone who tells me how old I look. Not how old I AM, everybody knows my age, but how old I look. Since I've been told that I look very young, but I still can't believe it XD.

Superhero Stuffs Update

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:14:38 GMT

I haven't been working that much in this, because I still can't really brain now, but bear with me.
To fortuna and Oni-Gil. I have used the names of your characters just for the purpose of not overloading my tired brain, I wrote here what I need those characters to do and be, etc. If you don't mind what I have (admitedly it's not that much) then I won't change the names, if you do mind it, I'll change the names and backgrounds completely so there is no similarity to your own characters.
Most of this is for me alone, just to keep my notes somewhat together, skip over the senseless or boring.

That Superhero Stuff

STORY SKETCHES

There are meanings, and uses to those meanings. I want to find them. (captain)

If you look hard enough, you’ll find the road to the colorful sky, which opens at twilight (Adell)

Why is the road to the colorful sky blocked? (Captain, Cult)

CHARACTERS

Captain-

Alias- Damian,

Real name-Alana,

Age-28 y.o.,

Height- 1.85 m.,

Ethnicity- Russo-Italian,

Religion-catholic

Languages Known- Native-Russian, 2^nd -English, 3^rd - Italian (not much)

Eyes- Gray-green

Skin- No tan

Spent years 5-12 in an institution, escaped at 12 when she and her siblings burned it down, she, Ellea, and Dennis lived together for 2 years until Dennis went mad and fell in love with her, then tried to kill her. They escaped and she adopted the name of Damian to throw off Dennis. She and Ellea lived together until she was 18-19, she then moved to another continent alone

When going evil she takes the name of Damian (which until then is like a nickname, mostly people call her ‘she’) but when going mad she goes back to her real name

She desires to be a hero to give worth and meaning to her life, so much that she thinks if she really succeeds at that, she will have atoned for everything else.

Ellea-

Age-32 y.o.

Height- 1.85 m.

Religion- Orthodox Christian

Is perfectly fluid in 4 languages- Russian, English, French and Mandarin Chinese

Was freed from the institution where she was being captive by Adell, a mysterious young man who turned out to be her cousin. He trained her and helped her save her other siblings. Unfortunately, soon Adell’s theories about her and her siblings turned true and one by one, Alana, Dennis, and Annia started losing their sanity and developing strange powers that seemed like ESP.

They were attacked and lost Annia to the people who wanted to catch them, they escaped and Adell had to leave. Dennis went insane and Ellea had to leave him behind. Left with only Alana, she tried to raise her as best she could. A few years later Alana started receiving shoes boxes and Ellea knew Dennis had found them. They hid, but Dennis always managed to find them after a few months.

Alana then left, saying that she didn’t want to interfere with her life and wanted to make sure she was safe in the event that she couldn’t control her latent madness. She kept in touch, through letters and other things like postcards and newspapers cut-outs.

She met with Adell and helped him investigate the cult until Adell was murdered. Someone forced him to kill himself, but he left her a cryptic message about the sky that only Alana can understand.

Dennis-

Height- 1.87m.

Age- 29 y.o.

Is completely crazy, in love with Damian, wants to kill her. He’s the one that buys Damian all those shoes.

Religion- Occultist Priest

Annia-

Age- 20 y.o.

Height- 1.78 m.

Is a crazy sadist. Desires only to destroy her siblings. Captain's youngest sister

Religion- Witch

Darina

Vampire

Age- 74 y.o.

Height- 1.70 m.

Religion- Undefined Christian (vampire=Christian mythos/curse)

Was sold by her family to pay for protection from the vampire who had already killed many of them. The vampire turned her, but the moment she found enough strength to fight back, she destroyed him and fled away. She settled in a different continent, quickly building fame and power as companion and bodyguard of the rich and powerful. She got a pack of young vampires who work for her and leads most of the government’s illegal business. She’s still angry at her parents and routinely kills parents who she thinks mistreat their childrens. She has a soft spot for childrens, and thus cannot really bring herself to attack Jailbait seriously, so she gets back at Damian.

Eryl

Hair: long, curled, blonde, with big bows

Height: 1.68 m.

Eyes: Clear Blue

Skin: white

Age: Almost 19

Profession- Owns discos, high boutiques, banquet services, and hotels

Religion- None

Whiny brat obsessed with dolls who always got what she wanted, she was so spoiled that when her father (her mother died at childbirth) refused to give her a real girl to play dolls with, she killed him and made it look like an accident. Then she took over all her father’s business and did as she pleased, ultimately kidnapping women and men and turning them into dolls, some alive, some dead, she keeps them all in an underground dungeon.

Kairn

Age- 26-27

Height- 1.85 m

Skin- White

Profession- Assassin

Ethnicity- Unknown- part American, part something else

Religion- None, has ESP

Is a two timing bastard who works as a double spy for both the underground cult and the police/good guys. His loyalties shift as it pleases him, but he is the best there is, and once bought he can do anything he’s hired for, torture, kidnapping, spying, assassination, thievery, etc.

Jailbait

Age- 16

Height- 1.68 m

Skin- Tanned

Profession- Highschool student

Orphan.

Studies at Blackhill high (mascot, the mountain cat), is two years behind, so she’s …uh, whatever passes for 1o Preparatoria there, can’t brain now. Think it means she’s, what, a freshman?

Wants- to find love and make herself known to the world as a way to find the strength that society’s hatred and coldness robbed from her.

Eternity

Age- 25

Height- 1.70

Profession- College Chemistry teacher

Religion- None (Does Science counts?...hmm, maybe Scientology, lol!)

Real Name- Enna

Ethnicity- English by her biological mother, American by her adoptive parents.

Her mother gave her up for adoption at birth to a couple of college teachers, who couldn’t have kids. She lived with them until her mother died from unknown causes, she was 15 at the time. Her father became obsessed because he thought she had been murdered because of what she knew and searched for the asassins for 8 years, when he also died after falling from his office’s window. Eternity knows that both her parents were murdered, but since she knows that she’s being watched she pretends to not know anything. In secret she goes out at night in disguise to search for clues as to what her parents were searching for and caused them to be killed.

She never cared much for her biological mother, and loved her parents very much, she wants to be the best at everything she can to honor their memories.

WORLDBUILDING NOTES

Urban fantasy- demons, vampires, werewolves, voodoo, witches

THEMES

Atonement

Sacrifice

The worth of a life

PLOT NOTES

Villains-

Darina, Kairn, Eryl

Catalysts-

Captain, Dennis, Annia

Heroes-

Ellea,

This Guy Knew What Was Up

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:09:42 GMT

An extract from Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Since it is possible that thou mayest depart from life this very moment,

regulate every act and thought accordingly. But to go away from among

men, if there are gods, is not a thing to be afraid of, for the gods

will not involve thee in evil; but if indeed they do not exist, or

if they have no concern about human affairs, what is it to me to live

in a universe devoid of gods or devoid of Providence? But in truth

they do exist, and they do care for human things, and they have put

all the means in man's power to enable him not to fall into real evils.

And as to the rest, if there was anything evil, they would have provided

for this also, that it should be altogether in a man's power not to

fall into it. Now that which does not make a man worse, how can it

make a man's life worse? But neither through ignorance, nor having

the knowledge, but not the power to guard against or correct these

things, is it possible that the nature of the universe has overlooked

them; nor is it possible that it has made so great a mistake, either

through want of power or want of skill, that good and evil should

happen indiscriminately to the good and the bad. But death certainly,

and life, honour and dishonour, pain and pleasure, all these things

equally happen to good men and bad, being things which make us neither

better nor worse. Therefore they are neither good nor evil.

If I quoted everything I liked about that book, I wouold have to post a download link for the whole book. This guy, he's awesome.
And he SO did knew what was up.

Read Him.
Now.

Dead tired...

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 01:06:13 GMT

Still have yet to get the job. I'm just such a coward about it. Mweh...XP ah, well, I think by next week I'll be there, since this week is my womanly no-no week. (=period) and such.

BUT I'M HAPPY!!!
I finally managed to catch Oni in the messenger. I love messenger, and I'm just starting to use AIM. REally cool things. I love talking, and I love talking to people!! Still, it's hard using hotmail to process my comments here. I think, since I kept my gmail account I will use that one to process the comments here, and messenger to talk to my friends from RL and Oni, (who is made of awesome) and the AIM to talk to a whole bunch of SUPER AWESOME people I really want to talk to. Like Bender...no, I'm not an obsessive fan. I'm merely an underachieving stalker. Yeah, I love stalking people and talking to them. I just can't shut up, I know. It's my curse.

Also, have been drawing a buch of superhero stuff chibis and drawings...I am not really working on it...I really am not...Oh, hell. I keep trying , but even trying not to think about it I get this flashes of stuff.

Like, making it in three arcs, the first for finding the sidekicks, the second for the mystery and being beaten up repeatedly, and the third for the resolution, all in one book, about 30,000 words each arc, I already have a romantic-ish side to the book, with the Captain and the new girl-sidekick, she's got only one arm and one eye...for now. I think I like the one-eyedness, and she's also very young and gets seduced by the vampire, upon which the captain realizes she has feelings for her. But the thing is that the captain is going to be much older, like, 28 years. Pushing 30 the bizznatch XP and I'm getting a third sidekick as a college professor. Younger, about 25 or so and she gets seduced by one of the male villains. But turns him back to goodness, yay!
And the mystery has something to go with the captain, who has relationships to the criminal organization, and Ellea (her sister) knows it. Yay!

...

...No. I'm totally not working on this, really...

I am clearly not allowed to have a vacation

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 23:13:06 GMT

After the 4k x 40days I was completely drained of ideas. I honestly have no idea what got me through those last few days where I had NO projects, NO ideas, NO inspiration, and NO NOTHING.
So I decided to take the rest of April off (for that and other pretty hard reasons, but let's not get pessimistic)
And now I can't stop getting ideas, concepts, and lots and lots of projects seem to just be sprouting from everywhere! Here's my fiction To Do list. JUST the FICTION WRITING one*

Projects:

- The Floating World- Conceptual Fantasy Novel- 90,000 words- 300 hrs est. work time
-Heresy- Novel- Steampunk Fantasy- 90,000 words- 280 hrs est. work time
-Spring Rains- Novel- Classic Semi-Conceptual Fantasy- 90,000 words- 300 hrs est. work time
-Hide From The Sun- Short Story Anthology- Psychological Fantasy- 100,000 words- 320 hrs. est. work time
-Fear- Novel- Psychological Science Fiction- 90,000 words- 300 hrs est. work time
-The 6th Day and the 14th Night- Novel- Vampire theological conceptual urban fantasy- 90,000 words- 300 hrs est. work time
- So That I Don't Disappear- Novel- CHARRIOT, book 2. Fantasy set in the MIRROR universe- 90,000 words- 300 hrs est. work time

And I keep thinking about how much the Superheroes Stuff story is getting to me. I really think I could do something cool out of it. I should have never tried to write something set in that universe for the Season Change Challenge, it's gotten under my skin now. I just really liked getting the Captain's sister in there. And I liked the bits of backstory that have been showing up at my door at the oddest moments. But if I try to write a professional novel about it...well, I could but it'd require me to change everyone's names, rework the worldbuilding I had already done, get new sidekicks (because I would be plagiarizing (is that the word?) my friend's characters if I used them for the novel.
Unless, of course, you guys gave me permission and sent me a bio about them. ;D
*Sigh*
So many ideas, so little lifetime. Maybe I should really just ditch the Superhero's thing and take the character of The Captain into a completely different universe. I could set her in a fantasy world, make her a real captain.
Neh, that would suck, because the things that make her a cool character is how incredibly full of F-A-I-L she is. She has FAIL writen in her forehead, and what makes her cool is how in the end she manages to save the day, through sheer luck, quick thinking, and courage alone. If I had to put her in a universe where she had to be competent it wouldn't be the same thing. I like to see people made of FAIL rise and save the day.

And I haven't written nearly enough. I've been just drawing, coloring, and sketching. I just don't feel like thinking. I haven't been able to sleep with the thought of having to take that...job. And I really don't want to do it, but it seems like I'll have to, with how things are going. Bleagh, I'm being pessimistic again. I need to draw more, and stop thinking so much about stupid stuff like despair.
When either a) things get better, or b) I take up the job and make some money; I'll try to go for another 4,000 words a day thing again. I must say, I had a lot of fun then. Yeah, sounds like those are my options...
...
...Off to draw, or try to write something without my brain crapping out my ears from the stress...

*I have a School to do list, a Non Fiction Writing one, a Drawing and Art one, a Housework one, I don't have a life, I have a bunch of To Do lists stapled together.

Talking to myself

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:57:05 GMT

Well...it would solve my problems, but it's also very risky...
Ah, decisions, decisions.

I don't think I could take another night of not sleeping because of the worry like tonight...The worry and desperation are worse than anything I could find...And it's not like I have any feelings against this or anything, but I just don't want to jump in blindly and stupidly into something like this.

Alright, alright, just a few days more.
This weekend. If things crash again this weekend...I'm pretty sure I'll do it. It's not like...well, it'll be difficult, but I think I already know just how bad this is. Hmm, decisions...

Well, let's not worry anymore until I see and understand clearly how bad things are. If they're not as bad as I think they are, if there is a posibility of getting better by this weekend, I'm staying put.

But if things crash, I'll have to act. The time for damage control will be then.
Until then, I will try to get some sleep, try to eat something...But I just can't eat or sleep when I'm like this. And it's breaking me, and I will most definitely NOT stand for that.
I'll try to control the damage by this weekend, yes...

Writer's Block: Confidences

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 17:55:59 GMT

Who do you think it is easier to talk about your problems with: your friends, your family, or strangers?

View 501 Answers

No one. I don't talk about my problems since talking about them always seems to make me shove my foot mn my mouth.

Well, I lie. Actually, the greatest person to talk to is CARAMEL PRINCESS!!
lol, that's my cousin's net name. She's awesome. She screams along with me, tell me cool things, dramatizes along with me, and let me bitch about how I can't find a damned job while giving encouraging comments. She also gave me a rene the frog image. So cute!
And you wouldn't think so, because we're like, polar opposites.She's joking and outgoing, she goes to discos, and loves snuggling in her house and talking with her mom and sleeping a lot. All of those are things I don't do, or don't like to do.We have opposite opinions on everything, from weekend fun, to books, and careers, and life.
And yet, the most important thing is not really your opinion, but how much you value the other person. How much you value giving that other person a good time and kind words.
It's thinking that this person is more important than what you think or believe, because beliefs and thoughts and opinions will pass, but right now, you will make this moment special for this person.

Aw, I'm being too mushy, but I get like that when I talk about her XD

Also, I fell down three times the day before yesterday in a 2 hr period. Then yesterday I fell down a marble staircase at the national anthropology museum (like fell down and then kept falling until I reached the end).
I do not believe this is coincidence.
I think in very symbolical terms, so things that happen in threes are usually meaningful.
But maybe that's just me.

Maybe if I actually say it, I'll get past this

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:10:43 GMT

Stupid life.

Sometimes I think that I really do hate myself.

Why am always late? Why do I always take the wrong decisions? What is the problem I am overlooking and that keeps screwing up everything I do?

What is it? Why can't I ever do anything right?

A bunch of stuff about a bunch of stuff

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 04:37:13 GMT

Finally things are coming together. I'm finally getting moved back to my hotmail account and being happy about it. Finally messaging myself with a few people and trying to install AIM without even knowing how that thing works. Remember that if you send me anything to my google account, I will soon not receive it (still not sure if I'll keep that thing, possibly)

I'm still thinking about the comissions things. I mean, I don't even know what to charge, and how to announce it. How much would be too much?
$25 x 25,000 story?
a dollar for every 1,000 words? I was thinking about offering $5 drabbles, like 500 words or so, something under 1000 words. But maybe not. I think $10 for a drabble would be a bit too much, but I have no idea.
So, please, tell me what you think! Tell me what anyone would like and at what price, we could discuss it! I'm willing to do anything: smut, yaoi, action, Epic, anything is yours if you pay for it. And I can assure it will be of professional quality.

And now for various things, and a tiny rant:

I'm on Twitter! my name there is alexdamien and the place is pretty cool, I'm having a blast with Bender and a bunch of people all around.

I have a few projects for blogs, an internet magazine, and a few other things and need people to hear me out! Please! I need to talk about this things because I'm pretty confused about which projects I should pursue, so please send me a comment or message and lend me an ear, okay?

And now, for Emos/Depressos.

I'm not talking about depressive people, I was dangerously depressed a short while ago, but about those kids who seem to make depression a part of their identities, along with wearing stupid pants, haircuts and bored expressions. Guys! Stop it please! You are annoying the rest of the population!

I'm only saying this because my number 1 super FAV english speaking group is The Rasmus. I absolutely loved their music and style and everything about them, I would have worn feathers in my hair if I could. But the other day I got a hold of a few songs from their latest album and found them all EMO.

Whaaat?! They were always pretty dark/gothy looking, but they weren't wannabe depressos like these guys! They were the super happy, super strong singers of the goth-y movement! I remember listening to their songs all the time when I was pretty down and feeling a great sense of hope and inspiration from it.

Show me what you're made of
I'm waiting for the answer
Tell me what you're afraid of
Show me what you're made of

Yeah! I mean, that's awesome! A goth group sings about emotions AND of fighthing back and showing what you're made of!

I'll need to come back and I wanna explain why I had to leave them sleeping.
The answer's in the air but I really don't care 'cos I couldn't really keep on breathing the smoke.

I always got a certain feeling of...confusion from their songs. Like not knowing what you're really getting into, but having the willingness and the courage to saddle up and try it anyway, despite how you might end up.
But that's gone from most of their newest songs. And hell, I don't blame them because in this industry youhave to get with the trends and release what will sell, and they're not stupid. God knows if I was a pro writer and was asked to write an emo book I would do it, because you have to change or die. But it's bad, a trend shouldn't be this stupid. I mean, depressed all the time, crying about your broken heart, and about how mommy doesn't understands me so I'm going to paint my walls blaaaackkk like my sooouuull!
Guys, please.
...Just, let artists get on with their business in a non-emo/depresso/stupid way. Alright? Stop Reproducing. Just Stop.

Chill guys, just Be Happy. It's not so hard, rent some funny videos, make crack jokes with a friend, and look on the bright side of things. It's always possible and very easy. Trust me, I know about it.

I...am happy...

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 00:10:17 GMT

I'm pretty happy now. I finally got a paypal account. I'm...not sure how this works really, so any help would be greatly appreciated. I mean, I don't have a credit cardbut I do have a bank account so I guess that's all that matters.
Well, I just...I just wanted it to see if after posting a few works in the red I could maybe get some comissions for writing or traditional media art. I'm only doing this because I really want a tablet, and I can't really see any way to get money apart from getting a job (and I'm still trying to get one) and getting commissions like this.
So, well, if anyone has any advice or anything it'll be greatly appreciated.

DO YOU SEE WHY I LOVE MY RELIGION?!!

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:27:02 GMT

Okay, I know I said that I would lock all god!jokes entries, but this is too good to lock it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pUrsUORF4Y

The Passion Terminator!style

Jesus: Stop! Stop killing Judas!

And I don't really waaaannt toooo!

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:54:52 GMT

But I'm getting sucked into these really bizarre fandoms. I mean, I would have laughed if anyone told me I would fan Ghost Rider, or Transformers. I mean, whaaaat?! Urgh, horrible. And the worst part? I Enjoy Them. Gods, they're really good, ya know? I really like what I'm seeing of them. But maybe anything can be awesome-sauce in the right hands, like Oni's and Bender's. Ah, well, I guess I'll just ride the fan-wave, lol!

(Btw, do you think I overuse 'lol'? I think I do, but I'm pretty paranoid of sounding like a fantard)

Also, who here knows how to link youtube videos so that the videos show in the damned entry? I have tried again and again, and I just can't do it. Pathetic, uh?

Lol, challenge forgotten entry!

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:21:49 GMT

Just now it hits me that I didn't made any entries about finishing the 4k40d (lent challenge) I think since I wrote it in my non-internet diary, it just kind of vanished from my mind. Well, here's my entry:

I Did It.

174,716 words. In 40 days. That averages about 4,367 words a day. Yes, I did more. Sometimes I flew right through and got 5,000. Others I just collapsed after 4,002. But I did it.

I’ve found that going at a speed of 4k a day is very useful and not that hard. The problem is that, as always, I jumped in blindly without really enough material to keep me occupied throughout the whole challenge. I finished quickly things that I thought would take much longer and ended up having to put together a bunch of projects to give myself something to write.

But doing this many words is good. I think I’ll do it again soon. Not this month. On May, most surely, once I’ve taken time to do other things like reading and studying. I also need to finish the background material I have for the other projects I have.

But once I’ve gotten everything laid down, in my experience, the best way to go about it is to sprint through as fast as you can. I think I would go mad if writing a novel took me more than 3 months. In fact, that’s what happened with my Sons Of Chaos novel project. I got off to a really strong start, dashing through very well. And then I sent it off, and waited on it for certain advise. But I waited, and waited, and when I tried to get back on the project, any love I had for it was gone. I hated the storyline, the characters were thin and cliché…It could have been fixed, of course. It wasn’t bad at all. But I just couldn’t care enough to work on it anymore. It had been too long.

So, I’d advice, plan your story fast, then dash through it as fast as you can, either at 4k a day like me, or at 1k a day if you like that more. But ride on the enthusiasm wave, and don’t let the seas calm down, because then you won’t get to surf anymore.